blahs.

2005-08-19T21:37:00.000-07:00

why do i always get the same problems?
i feel that my time are slumberless.
the only most closest thing to me are only shadows.
the number of shadows i live with is countless.
the joyful days i had will not wake me up no more.
not where the black coach of sorrowes has taken me to.
angels have no intention of returning to me.
would they be angry..
if i thought of joining them?

ever thought of how i spent my days?
just simply, with shadows i spent them all.

dreaming, I was only dreaming
i wake and I find you asleep
in the deep of my heart here
i hope
that my dream never haunted you
my heart is telling you
how much I wanted you

2005-08-08T23:33:00.000-07:00

fcuk fcuk fcuk!
i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.i want to go out.

i feeling so empty laa. nothing have been to same for me again. its always empty from that and always never can fill it anymore. i feel that. haiz..

i wan go out laaa.
i wan go out with my friends. noone jio me out.
haiz. i wan go out.
i miss my friends laa.
i dun wan sch holiday laa.
walao eh.
sch holiday never go then i dun wan laa.

i wanna kill myself laa lol.
so depressed laa.
so trapped laa.

anyways;
happie 40th national day laa everyone.
be fcuking happie.
smiles the whole day long till ur jaw detach.
laugh with her eyes close so while walking u fall down into a pithole.
beware while eating; in case u chew ur fingers while thinking about THINGS.
or even better, the ~~spoon~~FORK slip down ur throat.
oh whatever.
smile smile smile all u can!
there might not be a tommorrow!
anything can happen.
youwillneverknow(

bleah ignore those sadistic remarks.
im just so madd.

i just wanna go out.

2005-08-08T11:37:00.000-07:00

oh oh oh.
im back laa.

why do things always always turn up to be the way we do not like? even when we try to make it the way we want. it seems rather impossible. yeah, our life is beyond our control. uh.. duh. if under our control we will be flying and doing things without obeying the laws.

was doing the horrible back stage job laa. but actually also quite fun and enjoyable laa. although ppl will @#@!#. however, we cannot expect much from lazy people right? yeah. its just a table, the most just 1minute, so whats the big fussy all about! just bear with it awhile can!

morning so early wake up, cause need to reach by 7. then, sit at the stuffy, hot blah blah back stage. waited for everyone to settle down. then start, then blah, shift the table. so many eyes laa, then i move wrongly laa. =x. but nevermind, paiseh laa.

end of the "concert" then everyone left *finally*. waited for kailing then become wait for hilda and then in the end end end is joanne. laugh out loud laa. then, went kbox laa. pathetically, only three person? that is like so WOW for kbox, how to enjoy laa? laugh out loud. but we still insisted on going laa. in the end, ok laa, not as bad as i expected. joanne FINALLY dare to sing! audrey leh, sing professionally like always. me leh, out of tune when too high like forever =x.

went down, met xin hua and jess. then walk to mrt station, while walking saw those interesting stalls. i was looking around and wow. i saw royston, andrew and wei sheng. ala. they watch charlie and the chocolate factory laa. and they PON sch laa!!

after that, went home. watch vcd. then go for tuition laa.

then buy mac,
went home. WALK home.
its so dark.. so late.. so quiet.. yet alone.. yet i walk.. and its the... ....
AH. nevermind, nothing happen to me.

like me see part.

nowadays i sit with px in class liao.
good laa. he is the noise producer and the laughter processer.
and nowadays recess go with jevon ahhz. NO MORE _ _ _ _ _ _ _. the pangseh kia.
px and jv. alamak, both damn busy with track laa.
no time to go out de.
just admire how hiong they are. hahaz.

to you noe who u are laa. (NOT FOR YOU LOL)
erm, nope. nothing have changed. u may think that things have changed but nope. really never change. however, u rather trust someone than me. its like u are trying to say that instead of us.. you know? no offence laa. hahaz. just comment laa. but dun forget, NOTHING has CHANGE laa.

art arh art.
sian laa.
duno wad to draw.
dun feel like drawing/painting.
like eating up my time.
i feel like droping laa.
but i love it so much that i dun wan to drop.
laziee.
#)(*@!)(@*!

its hard laa. the THING is still there u noe. i want too. but. how?

shella, i tok till so secretive =x, liddat hard to understand and maybe u all oso duno i telling u all. haha. lol.

that part that i should let go,
that close to 1 year sorrow.
if it does not heal. guess..
[:

ahhh. function function function
is making me madd!
hahax.

everyone is so moody.
moody moody moody.
sooner or later everyone will be
in depression state man!
if our days can be..

2005-07-07T03:41:00.000-07:00

my gard.
such such such.
ahhh.
wo kan bu xia qu lah.
what the hell, you are so cheap.
laugh my ass out.

i dunno issit i own u my past life or something.
you aim the targets.
all my friends lor what the hell.
in class i good with who,
you ALSO will try to be in good terms with the person.
xD. funny SIAH u.

you really too much liao lor.
u want snatch my friends
i give u liao lor.
however you not only want to snatch.
but u want to break our friendship too.
i guess i last seen this type of scene in the pictures about hell?

TELL ME WHAT U WANT LAH.
anyways, u got good acting skills.
*WOWs*

2005-07-02T21:49:00.000-07:00

feeling - being suspended in a medium

i just dun understand. why should such doubts inflicted upon me.

once again, i think. maybe the problem has no solution to it. thinking that he plays with trust within my friends and i. attacks within weakness and flaw between our friendship, causing doubtings and second thoughts. all these after effects and severe damage in trust cause by him, seems so scary. even good and best friends can doubt me in the dark. but, i still believe some still believes me.

he tells tales to everyone close to me. all i could do is sit there and hope that the trust within us still stand strong.

oh well.
he says:
"i will backstab him"
my question for the ppl he told will be,
"since when i backstab anyone? and think again, will i even do such things?"

he says:
"i will say bad things about him"
my question for the ppl he told will be,
"why would i even give any attention to him?"

he says:
"i will snatch all his friends"
my question for the ppl he told will be,
"look, his friends. at the very 1st place, its my friends to start with. i pull him in. yeah he made me look like a fool. we were together 3 years or so. and he was like.. only months? and claims everything his?"

he says:
"i teared his book"
my question for the ppl he told will be,
"why the hell do i result in doing such low class actions?"

alrights, those who he had talk to.
regradless my best or good friends.
some of which start to doubt me.
all i could say is, wtf.
i dun mind friends blaming me
however this implys that u dun trust me.

anyways, this are just my junky comments.
no offence.
no biasness.
no lies.

2005-06-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

haiss.

never go out recently.
this holiday is a bad one.
anyways.

i have to learn to let go what i fear to lose. someday, i might just have to let go i guess.

to think about it.
ah.
i miss class!

i miss
#the noises!
#pengxiang's joy to the class!
#everything in class!
#sleeping in class lol!

i duno why
i also miss playing soccer. i guess.
im addicted to soccer =D.
its a good game you know? (:

ahh.
how nice if the class is united as one.
that will be EXCELLENT~

anyways.
sorry arh xueqi.
>.<
i guess that dissapointed you?
sorry arh!
btw arh xueqi.
i tot u say ivan not shuai?
lols. =x.

i lost alort in life.
im missing lots in life.
i guess it all comes along to the give and take in life yah?
there is alort to give and alittle to take.
i guess this is the part and parcel in life huh?

my
phone
is blo0dy spoilt.
im so HURT.

btw hilda~
i agree with u arh!
its RETRIBUTION ^^.
DESERVE it.

"dun stay up sho late arh"
my msn friend from other country told me lol.
sho funny xD.

disclaimer: not for you arh.lols.anyways now can use name liao mahs. xP.

looking at you.
means revival of memories.
wonderful memories i cannot bear to let go.
almost everyone advice me to let go.
stubbornly i did not want to.
but looking at this situation.
will you ever forgive me?
i dun ask for the past.
just a normal friendship will do.
i dun craze over the past anymore.
well. i must say i wish it was the past.
but it is not like i want that means i can want.
im not that naive to think that way.
but yah.
if no choice then no choice.
but i must say.
i still NEVER give up(:

i look at u.
u seems stubborn.
u stubborn.
i stubborn.
this is not gonna work out.
i really believe that.
ur heart and ur mouth dun tele.
i really believe that i never see wrongly though.
hmms.
wells.
yah.
(:

[[ everyone is afraid to lose what they gain ]]
[[richie.xiaoqiang.16]
arh. i love dogs.

2005-06-10T04:18:00.000-07:00

well well. changed the song another. this one should be better i guess?

thursday
went back school for maths. morning met audrey at piomeer mall again. for the whole week, we eat macdonalds before going to school. sick of macdonalds already haha.
then after lesson audrey wanted to take pictures. so we did some finger pictures?

this is a star? and i add names and so on(: and 3e3 really rocks

this is a heart. made by audrey and roxanne's fingers. and again. i add words(:

2005-06-02T02:34:00.000-07:00

brrr. rou mah. *shivers*
anyways. yup.

today is totally no difference from a normal school day. had remedial so i had to wake up 7. yesterday planed to eat macdonalds with audrey before going. yingquan can not because his father bring him? father boy? just joking. samuel ong jun hao, never reply sms, return call or reply in msn. so yah, we gave up on him. back to this morning, as i walk to the bus stop, smsed audrey. she is not eating! ah! so at first wanted to forget it and do not go. but in the end, she told me that samuel going in the end, and changed my mind and went there. when i reached there, samuel also just nice reach there. then i bought macdonalds. and samuel bought noodles -.-. and we ate in the bus. erm, how disgusting for him to eat NOODLES in the bus?!

reach just in time, on the way met celine, hazel and pei zhen. then walk together to school. upon the gate, met roxanne and went in together. went up, kinda full of people already. mdm lye came in then start teaching. found out that yazid forget to come! mdm lye then gave him a call. he rushed here, it was already half of the session left.

learn erm the duno what varies duno what de thing. then ended with CIP. doing some papercut for the class. play my mp3 thru the speakers, can't play chinese songs because gort alort malay friends(: so in the end, listened to punk rock musics. it was blasting right?(; had kinda a enjoyable time there with them. then, audrey, yingquan, samuel and joanne decided to come my house. then okay lorh, came and play play station two and mahjong. (: it was kinda fun. joanne just learn and gort addicted. (: they want more muahahaha. maybe coming tomorrow. maybe nort. depends on them and of course ME(:!!! *xD* went home and joann never win any game! and from today joanne is call joaTAN! it was a deal. keke.

blasted music in my room. gave a headache.

according to someone.
someone was showing its* new something.
ironically, there is northing kinda amazing over that new something.
when the purpose of that something was nort there.
that someone just have it for maybe a colour to its* life?

*its = can be his/her.

xueQi lol. how was the erms *meeting? was it as exciting as the artist you met? hows your SWEETHEART. lol. keke. and. dun be so sad yeah? (: the hole will be mend. keke.

and not forgetting you
=z ? how? anyways. just wondering, when can we enjoy* it again? just the usual us*
wouldnt it be just like heaven*? im waiting(:
=]

may the overcoming of high elements be easier upon us?
hehe? (:
oh anyways, wanted to wish you good luck for you and him*LONG AGO
hope this time is something you really like it deep inside?
and can give you lorts of happiness(: ?

i have lost countless precious things.
i cant lost anymore.
i want to stick all the fallen pieces back one by one.
tell me which method will stick YOU best!
PVA GLUE? SUPER GLUE? EXTRA STICKY GLUE? NAILS? ..etc..
but i got the best solvent!
that is just treat it with alort of care and love!
keke. im mad.

2005-05-30T08:24:00.000-07:00

im just happy(:
so i put this song in my blog!
i gort addicted to this song upon dancing DDR.
its so nice! dunch you think sho!
but abit the erotic lah though.
keke.
but still the beat is GOOD.
( strong = fast = happy = good )

well, what is done is done.
so, let bygones be bygones.
at least there is an explaination.
and, the reason is just facts. we are deny it right?
laugh out loud.

wells, no denying.
neither had i overcome myself to talk to you.
hmms, i did try. but the moments i attempt to try;
u either U-TURN suddenly or u werent looking!
LOLS.

looking back.
how much have we missed?
rather uncountable hurh?
hmms. changi airport.

heres one

june20.
ask;wanted;welcome;go
neverask;unwanted;unwelcomed;nevergo
yah? understand? lol

hmmms. nah, maybe i change alittle?
but i dun think sho. lol.
im just talking abit madly that time(:

if you were to talk to me in msn, sms me.
why would i give an awakard reply?
rather a surprise reply (;

bud. more like u awakard ytd?
yeah just hope that we could talk before intensive.
but we still seems so unknown to each other?

No more nightmares
We gonna pull together through it
We gonna do it
Everything always happens for a reason
But it's just something
We have no control over
And that's what destiny is
But no more worries
Maybe one day we'll wake up
And this will all just be a dream

ARH. just now.
hmms.
do u believe in fate?
* * * *

2005-05-28T00:22:00.000-07:00

** forget to say.
when i say
i <3 105 peeps.
i <3 202 peeps.
i <3 3E3 peeps.
i really mean them(:
i really love all the normal - best friends i made.

the closers ones(:
105
-feesee
-lihao
-clifford
-royston
-jinglin
-isabel
-yvonne
-anders
-rebecca
-bingsheng
-yiliang

202
-xueqi
-jowell
-shirley
-cheryl
-hmms.

3e3
-samuel
-audrey
-roxanne
-ying quan
-peng xiang
-wei jie
-bon
-zachary lolz

others
-chin how
-hilda
-kai tai
-samantha
-nicol

*rushing* will think and update again lol.

2005-05-27T22:50:00.000-07:00

hey, i really dun know what to reply to that. i am speechless, thoughtless and lost somewhere and somehow beneath those words. the feeling you felt while typing is not equal to the feeling i am reading it. no, i am not agitated nor am i thinking you are a perfect egoist. i am just upset. yup. i know you. but the you i know would not be like this.

within those stand outs, the long two months, i must also tell you something. within the very first breakout, yes, i was stubborn for the moment. you asked me what could you do to save this. my answer was trueful, i say, its 13 againist 1. it's really true right? but i seems that i do not care, but do you really know how i felt inside everytime i see anyone of you? i always wonder, when will you guys ask me something, when will you guys show some concern upon this friendship, how can we be back as a whole again, where and when will the healing point of this tear up friendship, i gave my time for the so call "celebrate for me" in the end. what was that? nevermind about not celebrating me, i was not angry. i was just dissapointed. nevertheless, you should at least tell you guys will not be celebrating for me afterall. did you know i carried high hopes upon the few steps i walk to the class? and the moment i step into the class, the sky droped on me. it was heavy, it was really heavy. unbearably squeezed me dried. i acted as nothing has happened. so what if i break down down there? will a celebration appear immediatly? so i made up another faked smile and carried on.

"one has moved on. and is contented with what is has now" hmm, if you no longer need me. if thats your wish, "it is only the past. hope that he really needs to love you more compared to me. only then will I force myself to leave". i cant hold you back from your joy. all i know, which i always do, is never give up and wait right? yup, you should know me too. if i did not given up a friendship for 9 months. how much more determination must i have?

its noone fault. its just, noone fault. its my to voice out. i regreted of voiceing out. i will voice out no more. i will keep everything to myself. look, i used to keep everything to myself. where you always advice me to voice out right out to the person. i learnt abit. and. i did. first i broke a single friendship. second, what the hell was that? i voice out to the person who taught me to voice out and what end result i received. was just...

no i have not give up upon any friendships. but, retrospectively, you have already decided to leave your old skin right? if you found me no longer a source in your life, then i will not hold you back. i cant bear to see my best friend feel disgusted upon seeing me. i cant bear to see my best friend tear. friends are just like the roots upon me, i will never never not need them. without them, i cant live. but when another tree comes along. the roots will change its directions. that, its beyond what i can do. if u really really really need me no more, i hope u will always keep me in you as a mermory or sort. or u could treat it as a dream or whatever sort. i hope the dream i gave you, was a nice and sweet one. if it was a nightmare, then treat it as you have never know me. just like " who is richie? " and it would be " huh? who is he? what school one? " it would be perfectly alright for you to clear all the mermories i gave you for you think they serve no purposes no happiness and a waste of your time.

i will tell u this again, nothing can replace something in my life. i will never find the same level of happiness. the happiness, is something you cant give. it is not you want to give anot, it is just give it all of yours to the friendship and it will be a happy and joyful friendship. i say all this, is not to bring you back. words are of course cheap, how many times i being lied at? yup, actions speaks louder than words. you guys always say you wanna do something. but the something was?
i wished i could do something. but its never possible like i say its 1 to 13. i know you will think that i could do something if i really want to. but, if i say i tried. will you believe? did you even noticed what i tried? i took alor of courage to do something small appealing to the bigs.

you guys did not seems wanting me. any moment of going out, if anyone cared to call me? yes, last time west coast i did not go. i really was not free. and, one time i cannot go. then you guys dun wan me no more? do you know how much i wished to go to all your others went outs? was it not true that someone really replaced me? look at the past photos and the currents ones you have. look at who have been replaced and by who(:

was all i say true afterall?

let me say this again, i will just wait, even if you no longer need me.
i will just walk behind your shadow. call me when you need me. i will be there the moment you need me. and i am not lying(:

one more thing.
you guys always say want me back want me back.
you know how much i wanted it?
did you know i always waited for that day?
that day when we could actually really be reuion?
but nothing and i mean nothing seems good coming.
it was all just blank.
blank. and the what you mention.
killed me.
ended my life.

"retrospective. u decided to shed aint u. i<3u as that much as a friend = u<3me as that much as a enemy."

A yellow and old light
Time is at the side, suffocating without uttering a word
Loneliness starts with completely no sense of propriety
Don't understand the difference between light and heavy
Silence
Propping up jumps across strange
Quietly watching early dawn and dusk
Your body shape
Loses balance
Slowly sinks
Darkness is already flying around in mid air
Should proceed where, I cannot see
Maybe love is in another end of the dream
No way of living in real space
I want to go back to the past
I am trying to hold you in my arms
The sheepish face carries a bit of childishness
I want to see
The world you see
I want to be in your dream's frame
As long as I can depend on being together I can then feel the sweetness
I want to go back to the past
I am trying to let the story continue
At least I don't let you leave me again
Divert time's attention
This time I will hold you even more tightly
I request you to stay like this, I don't know if I am too late or not
I want to go back to the past
My thoughts are unceasingly stopping memories from being broadcasted
Blindly chasing and searching, still vastly empty
The dusky night, I am sleepy but I don’t know where to hide
The moment I turned around, loneliness is already lying by my side

i will be the friend which you hanged.
i will be just behing you.
i will be there when you need me.
i will just be behind making sure anything will just be fine.

you might have let go.
but i have not.
and i mean it.

2005-05-24T06:06:00.000-07:00

hmms. new skin. original bo? T.T
i spent 7hrs. lol.

lyfe scuks(:

2005-04-16T04:14:00.000-07:00

know my life

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

so do u now noe more abt my life?

05april.12

this is what we call a ~~burfdae~~. im feel so ~~happy~~. its a ~~blessing~~ in disguise. why ~~did~~ you all ask me am i free anot, when in the end, you all do not ~~care~~? do you know how saddening is that? does it not sound like a joke? like. i ask you out. and HAHAHA. you went but i am playing at home. =D. and you waited there like nobody's bussiness. how ~~sweet~~ xDDDd!

anyways you are so damn rawked (:
i thought. maybe no present got cake / no cake got present. even ck/shirley though so, but we were wrong. i got an egg only. xDD. =DD. nevermind.
i hold no blame nor any misconception. for i know, and have already guessed and mention, which its too obvious to be true. how would u deny/hide this?

mei xin ye mei yi. ni jiao wo zhen me kai xin?

although lihao say " will give belated. " which how belated is the belated? does it refer to him only or you all? times definatly defines your sincerity, worthness of our ~~dedicated~~ friendship, the ~~importance~~ of me in you.

does it falls in to a point where, you have to lie your way out of hell.

hey, lets not talk about sad things and make you angry or spoil my innocent readers' day. it cant be that pathetic that i receive nothing right.

morning go school, feeling sleepy. i got nothing. xD. till recess. junwen give me something. xDD. ( it was a coin box?! xDD! [thank you junwen if u are reading] ).
after school, shirley give me a PMK shirt (shared among my good frendss). thank you so much too =DD. but. ... when i went to art, i dropped it. and. i did not know till about 2hrs later. andd. it was gone. ): all thanks to the broken PMK milk box! huayians are so HONEST huh! xDD!! den had something with yuanshanjowellxueqi. (:
den h0me. homework=sleepy (;

05april.13

zhiqian and shihhua oso got gimme a keychain? xDD.
thanks =DD.

-MEI YOU JIE GUO-

05april.14

sports dae. -.-". meet xueqi in the morning at jp SUPPOSELY to be 6. but we all only appeared later den that. xDDd. while jowell came, its like 6.20 le. which means! ronald is already at the mac!! LOL. he called me. ahh. he is there. he is not angryy. hengg. xDD.

reached. went in find him and ordered food. xDD. rush to the place. i was late! omg. got scolding. =x. hold kite. ok its kinda boring. den. help to guard the gate.
that was my boring sports day. =D.

ask oso never ask me. looks like things are going my way of thought. eh?

xDDd. went suntec with yuanshan,xueqi,jowell,ronald,hilda,weijun. watched samara. wow. so many ppl watched samara on that dayy! we watched. you all watched. chin how they all watched. teachers watched. xx watched. ncc ppl watched. blah blah. lots more. so many huh!
yuanshan damn funny when he watch!! LOL!! he sit beside me haha. he is just so FUNNY LOL!!! xDDD!!

no mood to blogg . so i type short and sweet. xDDd.
anyways. i wan a PLAYSTATION2!xDD!

wanted to blog my story. half way i laziie. xDD.

2005-04-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

xDDd. i feel so "happy" on my "happy" burfdae! " =DDD "!

i cant pretend that im alright.
and you cant change me.
cause we lost it all.
nothing lost forever.
sorry i cant be perfect.
now is just too late.
and we cant go back.
im sorry we cant be perfect.

i tried not to think abt the pain i feel inside.
do u noe.
u used to be my hero.
all the days u spent with me.
now seems to be so far away.
now seems to be u dun care anymore.

im never gonna be good enuff for u.
nothing is alright.
cuz we lost it all.

nothing is gonna change things that u said.
nothing is gonna make this live again.
pls dun turn ur back.
i cant believe it.
its taunting me.
but i cant understand.

cuz we lost it all.
sorry i cant be perfect.

2005-04-03T01:07:00.000-08:00

pictures pictures =D.
hand drawn / written.
xDD. 2 of them not by me.

2005-04-02T03:27:00.000-08:00

the dimension of blogging is just "guang tong". i never thought i would be given me that chance and ask to be in part of the competition. laughs. hope everything goes smoothly?

that* take it as i think too much. of course i would not know wheter there is a link anot.

keep up on those smiles. (:
i noe u are happy.
keep up on those no actions.
i noe u wouldnt need me.

dang ni xiang qi wo de shi hou.
yi ding yao kai xin wor.

jia you.

2005-03-28T05:22:00.000-08:00

29*

hey hey. it have been a long,tough and tiring battle. the battle between one who is as though as diamond and one who is seeking the diamond. everyone will ask standard question like, " is it worth it? " " he is worth the wait? " " why are u so stubborn? " " u sure u want to? " " u sure u did not choose the wrong choice? " so on and so for. but till now, i can firmly tell u, i did not regret my very first pathetic step of not giving up on this excellED friendship.

1 month. it was horrible the first month.
2 months. it was still horrible.
3 months. it was like normal and used to it.
4 months. i would relaxs myself abit more yet problems still lies strong.
5 months. some people told i gave up. but i heaven.
half a year. its just so devastating.

i ask myself again.
" it is worth it? "
i think thrice.
not only twice.

2005-03-28T04:28:00.000-08:00

28.03.05
student councillor 2nd investiture
rating:8/10
hows it? total of 44 student councillors only.
last time got 52 liddat now we add new sec 2 and sack so many then can get to 44.
so this 44 is very careful selected i guess? only got like 12 sec 3. so its like, confirm 8 is exco. so it is high chance one. well, we got our positions or groups. great power comes great responsibility. i lucky tio head of logitics. well,actually that was not my really favorite choice. but i know that that is the only space left in the exco for me. but (: i will do my job. i will love that position too. hope my memembers will work together well. and. my boss man! mr syad yazid. big boss! the high charismatic guyy.

2005-03-27T05:53:00.000-08:00

Want to smile
To disguise the tears that are dropping
Nod head
Admit that to myself that I will be scared of the dark
I only seek
That you can lend some time to be with me
But you don't even give sympathy
Want to cry
To explore myself, whether I am numb yet
The whole world
Looks like I am the only one who is tired
~~Don't care~~
Anyway feeling sad then I muddle through and go for a time
If only despair and feeling useless would go far away
Sky is very grey
Will or ~~won't~~ it?
The darker the night
Dream dis~~obeys~~
Hard to chase and hard to ~~enjoy~~ in retrospect
~~My world~~ is going to be destroyed
Maybe things do not happen as ~~I wish~~
Tired or ~~not~~?
Sleep or ~~not~~?
Single shadow no one to snuggle with
The darker the night
Dream dis~~obeys~~
Who is ~~willing~~ to comfort? (Hard to chase and hard to enjoy in retrospect)
My world is going to be destroyed
Maybe being dispirited is another kind of beauty

2005-03-26T21:35:00.000-08:00

head of logitics.
three cheers oh three cheers for sc.it have been 2 years. (;

2005-03-26T02:54:00.000-08:00

u spoke it;
i do it;
i will shut the hell up larh;
but;be4 i shut up;when did i had new faces coming on?;
u mean;
i din noe xueqi they all?;
i tried;
im tired;
im wrong 1;
im wrong 2;
im wrong 3;
no im not gonna try 4;
i tried to get u in;
u did;
im glad;
i did my best;

a so call bbq
we(xueqi.jowell.yuanshan.me)planned to meet at 12.30 at jurong point's breadtalk. we prepared and brainstormed. we knew it would surely be much of the word fun. (;
at the very last minute, during my speech on my weaknesses and strengths, xueqi smsed me. she cannot go liao,cause of her parents. which to me, her parents sucked? well, they are far too unreasonable. uh uh. she cannot go than we all also sian liao. so no choice, then i asked jowell still want to go anot. well, he want. so i dun mind. then, before i want to ask yuan shan. he called me. haha. then ok settled, he got go. then ok liao lor. since xueqi cannot make it. we called yan jie. he says "no problem. thanks". i wonder whats with his thanks haha. although everything is settled le. i just still feel so empty cum sian whole inside. cause all plan den all must go mah, but xueqi cannot. sianED by yuanshan.me.jowell.marcus.zhixian. i got horrible uncontrolable moodswings that day. which obviously forced myself to sleep. i got just this flame that is burning me. not with anger but sorrowness. why? im seriously so sad for the things you bloged. i just do not understand why you cannot bury our hachet. i know i have a part to play too. but i always say, its 1<13.

i was woke up by ronald's msg. he ask me what time we will reach. i replied, then went back to sleep. i wondered, why im so lazy haha. then, simi woke up. someone called, and it was yuanshan. he say he slept liao yesterday, so cannot tell me. haha.
meet them at 12.30. i was late by 5mins. yanjie was early by 5mins. yuanshan was late by 7-10mins. jowell was late by 15mins. but in actual fact, jowell was the 1st to step into jurong point. he went to library then he went arcade. who he saw? oh man. lee chin how and gang was who he saw. we walk around. half want to see them, half dun want to see them. then in the end. nopes, we did not see them. (: praise the lord. we went to buy the laminated chicken. $4 each? we bought 1.5kg. then since it was early. jowell commanded arcade. yuanshan too. yanjie and me both -_- wonder to ourselves "why arcade again?!". then ok. went in, i saw my primary school friend, she with her stead. we played war combat. i treat them play, died. went out.

queued long for a cab. went to cementi ave 6. regent i think? (the condo). we stupidly went up to his house. oh my. he is not at home! like i expect he was at the bbq pit liao. we then went down. joel,herman,ronald,kenny,ernest blahs blahs. we finally zhi xian came. played cards. yuanshan.me.jowell decided to swim. but we did not bring swimsuit. so what we did in the end? just took off our clothes and jump in. then we tried to pulled others like yanjie and yuan sheng. they refused. in the end. almost 8 more jump in too. haha. then, we tio scolding from the guard. we went up haha. started bbq. me and yuanshan start one pit. ernest and yuan sheng start another pit. successful muwahah. (: my pit babaQed chicken wings. theirs is hotDOG and so on. while babaQing the hai sing gals use charcoal draw ppl face?!.

ron <3 rec ;
rec <3 ron ;

finish all the cooking then me and yuan shan went to eat. nothing much left though. lols. oh yesh. hai sing got a hungry ghost! hahs. every round of me and yuanshan babaQing he will ask " hao le mah? " laugh out loud man. then yuanshan purposely put ALOT ALOT of honey on two of the chicken and give him eat. yet, he did not notice ANYTHING?. hmms. xD.

everything was done. it was late liao, around 7+ 8 le. then hai sing ppl bu shuang some of the huayians. quareled with herman then ronald stop it. they went play sparkers at the playground. after a while, me and yuan shan ran there hahas. we climbED the "top" of the playground. which is kinda dangerous lahs. climb climb climb. play play play. then 9.30 le. we walk back. bought drinks (: used jowell's coin to buy for BIG.neo and SMALL.neo haha. then we sat down. i told a lie. i felt extremely gulity. but haha. like wad ronald say. for ONCE cant i do it for entertainment? *lower my head;seek for forgivness*

went bowling. chervons you know where? yupps there. yuan sheng ronald and the hai sing gals play their game. yuan shan me jowell ernest wanted to go down to play lan shop. sadly, it was closed. then what did we do? LOL, we played PLAYGROUND. ^^. SWINGs. ^^. then after awhile, everyone sian liao. went back to cathy bowling alley, we played 10 games. which cost me 40 -.-". jowell and ernest better return me 10 each. we played. and. we played like shit! LOL! as though i duno how to play. but nevermind. it was all for laughters and joy and fun. finished playing we went to playground AGAIN. but this time. i moodswung. and oso hyper rise in my antisocialxz level. i stuff the mp3 player into my ears. see them play. afterall, they aint that not so brother lahs. they sat together one the SAME swing hah. for that moment they seems such loving brothers (; . then i sat at the chair lonely. while they played happily. unexpectedly but gladly yuan shan came to me and ask me : " why so quiet " hahas.

then, we went back. the hai sing gal very funnie. say the 1st driver not handsome than she dun wan. hahs. xD.then yuan shan dun go. he went in and pull me inside too haha. then we went back to JK house. then yuan shan want play my handphone game. so he ask JK for charger which MAX extension is still at the corner. Then he ask me pei him sit there ._. and i sit there lor. see him play and lie there. *wanna dose off siah* haha. then jk gave me a pillow lol. then after a while. he gets bored of the game. we went into jk room. saw them playing gunbound. yuan shan was like " why never tell me " lol. xD. then played gb. play play play. yuan shan take my fone play again haha (he does not get bored abt my fone.lol) while i play gunbound with jowell half awake looking and building sand castle in the air. jowell say " i very sleepy "
den i say " i oso quite sleepy . wanna go sleep? " *he nods* we went out. he sleep on sofa. i sleep on floor. after 5mins liddat, yuan shan came out. he abit night blindED liddat haha. xD. den he sleep beside me.no. he is playing my phone still.
like 10mins later, ronald came out. he went to sleep in jk's guest room. another 20mins liddat. jowell woke up and say" hard to sleep ( BUT HE SNORE DAMN IT!can ask ys lol. ) he then walk into jk's guest room. and followed by me and yuan shan. asked ronald to move abit. den the king size bed. slept 4 of us. and yuan shan is still not bored and playing the fone haha.after awhile, we all slept. den suddenly jowell woke up and sleep at the floor again. now, more space *grins*. den near morning ronald woke up too. left me and shan on the bed. jowell on the floor hahaha.

ring ring ring. someone smsed me. i cant remember who. i think yvonne. so i woke up.and slowly we all woke up. and then ate breakfast and headed home.

oh well. it was kinda fun. (:
i need sleep now though. (:

you erased it, deleted it and remove it? since u choice this way, what more can i do?

praise the lord.
serdiyashakekaliholyabaha.

2005-03-24T18:55:00.000-08:00

how do u define slience?;
does it means to u;
a quiet ignorance;
or;
a dun care?;
or??;
a quiet goodbye?;
or??;

simply;
to me;
letting the problem wait;
will only let it rot;
from so much of my exp;

nice fotos u got there;
from wad i could see;
the smiles are revived;
people are new;
but smiles are still burning;

does it means;
im really gameoverED?;
if that it is;
i respect decisions;

from wad i see;
this is how i feel;
i see one old face;
i see two new faces;
jus think;
if im there;
will the wonderful;
angelic;
handsome;
kind;
caring;
and so on;
face of ours;
still be there?;
i told u;
everything needs a swap;
does it seems logical to u?;

two new faces;
maybe one of them;
is the new's new face pal;
so i could just skip that;
the new face;
from looks;
brings more smiles to u all;
den of wad i can do;
i only bring;
sadness;
or wad so wadeva;
without fail i see the new face;
so;
wads god's phrase?;

another "let nature take its course" ? ;
very well ;
and let the nature disaters damage them more;

if u got no will to pursue anymore;
dun tired urself;
its not worth it;
to get back someone;
who just simply sucks ur life;
that stole ur smile;
when now;
u got ppl like;
can make u smile;
can make u happy;
can make u feel that;
u are in heaven;

its not easy to act;
as although im a happy kid;
its not easy to act;
as although im ok;
its not easy to act;
as although nothing had happen;
its not easy to act;
as although i never knew all;

but;
wad can i do?;
when just;
noone will just believe and feel me?;
do they?;

self proclaims?
life isnt just liddat;
u have to do something;
to obtain ur goal;
but not just;
LET nature take its COURSE;

2005-03-18T18:54:00.000-08:00

oh yeah;
finally i got time to return to my daily bread;
._.;
the photos i heaven make them to smaller size;
so i will blog abt my mount ophir when i finish xD;
im so lazie to make mah;

well;
yesterday;
suppose to go to ecp with them;
but;
im not free;
so;
i couldnt make it;
which is quite a waste;
but;
on the another hand;
i was in SSC;
and;
i din really felt bored;
its kinda fun lah;
but wad i do there?;
sit there;
look at the balls rolling;
look at ys,yj,zx n hm sleeping only lor lol;
sad arhz;
huayi nv win anythingz;
but nvm;
there is always a next time;
if we dare to try;
there will be a miracle;FOR SURE

it was like;
i woke up at 6;
den;
noticed plan changed for ys's eyes pain ._.;
den i reach HKcc MC at 7 liddat;
i buy 6 meals ._.;
which is like $28 xD;
den i walk back sch;
saw xq;
den she go bath;
den;
wow;
i saw;...
chin how and nicol;
.___. ;
den i went up to IT resource room;
i went in;
see.;
wah;
all sleeping;
which is wth?!;
den i went out;
i waited for xq to come back;
den she went in;
she woke them up;
jw->ys->mar->azl->yj-> blah blah -> kenny(with a sexy sleeping pose);
jw and ys woke;
and slept back; lol;
den;
they ate the mc;
den ms foo came in rush them;
den they still slowly eat and went down;
den carry heavy stuffs to the bus;

wait;let me cut into the story;
" omg wtf;
he got go to the ecp with u all;
nv tell me;
walao; lol;
but;
no choice;
i oso cant do anything now when it was yesterday;
"

went down the bus;
those with the pass go into the 'guarded' room?;
den we go as audience ;
den later ys came back ;
pass me back my fone ;
den he sat beside me ;
den slept all the wae till lunch ;
lol;
my handphone is so popular among them .__.;
lol; just less than 5 hrs; they can use up my full batt hp!;
lol;
den i cant inform lihao they all;
bet they blame me;
but well;
nvm;
im jus so sorry tat i did not inform yah;

den we went for lunch;
someone lend me a pass;
went in;
drill some holes;
den went out;
no lunch for me lol;
den i went ljs buy;
rush back;
sat outside to eat;
we fear that we might get scolding;
but in the end;
we did not mwauahah;

den well;
we won the air; =x;
den ronald so sad;
=x; went back sch;
they pack for like 1 1/2hr;
den decided to watch movie;
either sonofmask or seriesoftheunforunate;
den we wan more ppl;
the 1st came into my mind is ys mwahah;
cuz; he dun like to stay at home; mwahaha;
den he agreed;
follow by;
yj den zx;
zw quickly cycle home with LOTAS bags;
den ys played like 5mins of bb;
den we went slowly walking to the bus stop;

reached;
den i went see wad to buy for;
my two bestia friends burfdae present?;
den bought?;
den decided to watch sonofmask at 7.25;
.__.;
bought 5 tickets;
waited for zx for a while;
den went in;
i bought nachos;
den yj folo me say he want try lol;
den ys bought erm popcorn combo that one with ice cream;
.__.;
went in;
sat down;
9 : yan jie;
10 : xue qi;
11 : richie;
12 : yuan shan;
13 : zhi xian;
._____.
funny show;
yuan shan laugh till very funny siah;
his laughters sounded like mine when i was young till sec 1 when i tried to stop laughing like this mad;
hah;
den he suddenly got muscle cramp;
can see from his face its kinda pain;
wanted to help;
but wad can i do? lol;
like i noe anything ahahs;
so in the end;
i continued watching lol;
den finished watching;
went to eat;
go here n there;
finally decided to eat kfc;
yj xq ys n me ate familiee feast;
den we saw;..
erm;..
homosexuals peeps;
=x;
den ys rushing for time;
so he n yj went home fers;
den we walk walk;
play aracade;
den went home lors;
so sian;
but hahs;
we are all sleepy;
they always say yuan shan got little attitude problem lol;
but i dun find/see it at all;

that was my 18.03.05;
how was yours?;
im happy that i made new friends like /ys/yj/zx;
hah?;
hope it does last?;

wad went wrong;
its just all of us;
(:

one that is suffering from jealousy and unwantedness;
the others of which had different waes of which this much went wrong;

since u like so much for fate to decide;
den like fate decide den;
actually even if u try rephrase it;
it can oso be put it in this way;
" i dun care; let nature take its course "

taaa; wrong;
yes; it did came to sorta of slient standstill;
lots of things had be said;
lots of things had be done;
its not just 2 person;
more of u are reading;
feelings will never be understood;
when u dun believe my heart;
yesh;
in this way;
mistakes will never be clarified;
the hatch will never be buried;

sorry to find out that;
u and jl is out of sc;
hope u aint so sad afterall?;

once a upon a time;
this boy and a gal;
sat beside each other;
in the very 1st year of their secondary school life;
they started to talk to each other;
went out together as a grrroup;
became good friends;
damn good friends;
she;
had jus sliently and obviously became this boy's best friend;
she top the girl list in his life;
he always wonder and he noe the ans;
that is;
he will never top her list; till the very last day;
he still did not top her list;

when they noe they had to spilt class in their 2nd year of of secondary school life;
they cried;
they teared;
they sobbed;
but;
they did not give up;
moments of 2nd year;
the gal went into her lala land;
she find hurting herself is the way to relief herself;
this boy could not believe his eyes;
the penknife his best friend is using to cut herself;
is bought by him; himself;
he cried inside;
he told himself;
why did i let my best friend to do such harms?;
he din not really dared to show his worries and cares;
but he kept it deep;
and just hope that;
she will find the real source of light;
but not the source of darkness which she used to assumed that was holy light;

this boy group of best friends got insane and accused him;
he was hurted;
yet;
he did not give up;
god shown the way;
but things are not lucky like this always;

29 sep 2004
he was hurt;
he was sad;
he felt devastated;
guess who came into his mind 1st?;
it was this gal;
the fact that this gal din not noe how important to him she was;
shows how much trust and frienship level did she input in him;

everyone den tried to persuade him to let go;
but its impossible;
he was;
and will always be;
he ever bestest best friend;
till now;
yesh;
but he is still his bestest friend;
nothing really changed;

he never smiled that happily;
or rather;
those smiles he gave;
were all fakes;
till now;
he;
never had another day happier den the days with him;

my persistance;
will never die;
he was glad;
all his crys;
are all dispered to different ppl and places;
but still;
the pain persis and never goes out;
whenever he sees him;
he feel the pain inside;
which can only be descript with one word;
that is "ew";
noone understands how he feels;
even me the author myself;
dun really know;

he always wonder to himself;
where/who are his pure best friends?;
till now;
he still wonders;
no answer was given;
no assumations are right;

starting of year 3;
u are wrong he still did not give up;
he is still tear apart;
and;
its still not sew;
he told everyone before that;
he will not give up;
and he say that thru his heart;
which never will it be a lie;
which means;
he would never give up;
but that issue is only kept deep inside him;

new came;
he felt that his friends all seems changed;
noone sense anything;
he felt something was amiss;
everyone knows;
that;
if we want something new;
we have to sacifice an old one;

he knew something was just not in place;
he wondered;
and knew the problem;
but cant find a solution;
but maybe to let them go with their unspoken decision;
that is;
to let the new take over the old;
he keep this 'rush' thought of my to himself;
and only use this in the very last resort;

finally;
he could no longer torate anymore of this ignorance;
he wrote them onto pieces of paper;
he dispered them seperately;
this gal read;
she teared;
he pondered;
that was like the last time;
they talked face to face;
he was so sad;
for there was nothing done;
does it means;
he got all his points all right;
does it means;
he is played game over?;
his friend kept quiet;
so did he;

never did he dared to look at peeps who do not show wad a good-best peep should show;
its a sense of questioning;
that 'is he really their good friend at the very 1st place? ' ;
do they really understand him like how they claim they do?;
from the reader point of view;
i can tell u;
no;
they dun understand him;

this is not how the story should end;
but do anyone care to do anything?;
all the characters and authors and readers seems ok with this plan;
dun them?;

hiking was shit;

went to something like BBQ;
ys go den i go;
den ys went;
den i go;
LOL;
den in the end;
we ate mc donalds;
hahs;
.___.

actually i still got alot to blog abt my story;
and the BBQ and so on;
but i lazy;
xD

2005-03-11T20:50:00.000-08:00

todae todae todae!!
blah blah;
mount ophir;
i dun wan go!!;
i wan go with tina to SIS lol;
and i oso wan go back sch to camp with them!!;
=s!;
this mountain cimbing eat my holiday!!;
i dun wan!!;
no choice!!;
=\;
no choice den must go lor;
i will take nice photos ;
nice scenary for sure;
xD;

planning when come back from MT.OPHIR;
which is a wed;
den go camp in sch till fridae;
its FUN;

staying back late nights;
hahs;
made me break my record of not going offline for 10 days;
hahs;
x));
but its fun;

hope zhi xian n yan jie can be in sc?;
(;
hope this time they can win the competition agains?;
hahs;
(;

xD;
i wan mcdonalds;
=x;

ghosttss;
=x;
confirmed scary;
lols;
=x;

u can see them;
they can see you;
(:

my amaths test;
i dun even noe how to do even 1 qns;
but i passed!;
LOL;
COOL RIGHT!;
those noe how to do one some even fail leh;
but i duno how to do at all? =x LOL;
heng;
heng;
heng;
lucky;
god bless;
(:

he say he heart is as hard as a diamond...;
anyone could invent a sodium that can melt diamond?;
=x;

samuel failed 7 sub out of 8 lol;
=x;

daisy n carrot lol;

the not tiring 2.4 lol;

thank yuan shan n zhi xian?;
lol;

i dun wan go climb.. sian.. going in 3hrs time..
:(

aahhh;
if i camp;
i nid squeeze time to buy their presents lol;
and i duno wad to buyy;
waddd thee;;

meeting bang hao and sheng fu;
=x; at jp control;
this is gonna be bad;
we are carrying at least 9kg bag;
LMAO!;
later still got;
2 gas cylinders;
LOL;
ROCKS RITE?;

homework homework homework
.__.
i walk alone;

2005-03-11T19:44:00.000-08:00

so u sodemly think that wad u say dun hurt?;
im not defending;
whenever i speak wad my heart says;
why do u all like to say im defending myself?;
den if u all think wad i say is defending myself;
den seens im so selfish;
den im hopeless;
no point if i say anything;
when wad i say;
to u;
is only the ripple of the muddy water;
is there even a drop of trust left for me?;
who will admit that we view the things of the opposite side?;
WOULD u?;

who are u to me?;
like who duno?;
my best friend?;
but tsk;
maybe this is maybe the one sided me left;
we all wonder;
im still all's?;
i told them?;
did i say anything to them?;
nah;
only lihao and u asked;
noone ask;
den how i tell?;
thru telekenetic power??;
amazing how i can communciate without noeing i did;

u always say;
an outsider views the case well;
din u?;
so;
u dun believe?;
ask the outsiders and UNDERSTAND that im replaced;
u cant deny;
jus look;
who is with who?;
who is NOT with who?;
but do anyone really care?;
well;
i must admit;
lihao and u do care;
but is that bit of concern enuff to sew a broken heart?;

it needs thousands of needles and thread to sew back;
but the scar;
its too obvious to be true;
but if there is faith;
fear not;
divine healing will heal that;

.___excuse___.
Flipping through our photographs
Missing you is half hidden, half seen
The winter of last year
We smiled very sweetly
Looking at your weeping face
Saying goodbye to me
Too late to hear it
You've already gone very far away
Perhaps you have already given up on me
Perhaps it is already too hard to turn back
I know it is me who let it slip
Please give me another reason to say you don't love me
Even if it is that I don't understand
Can you forgive me?
Please don't take separation and treat it as your request
I know the persistence to leave is your excuse for getting hurt
Request you to turn back
I will walk with you all along till the end
Even if there is no result
I can bear it
I know your pain
Is the promise I gave
You said you gave me tolerance before
Silence was because of forgiveness
If you have to leave
Request you to remember me
If you are sad
Request you to forget me

oh dear;
this is the lyrics of jie kou my dear friend;
its not typed by me;
its direct translation by english jay chou fans;

"HEART IS BIG ENOUGH FOR ANOTHeR POSITION."
i noe;
and that position is swapping too;

u sure u all noe me that well??;
if u all claims that u all noe;
den very well, u all noe ;

shown only impurties;
but noes pures?;
no purification needed;
(:

u dare say i never tolerate?;
ok;
i list THEM HERE;

lemme start with JINGLIN;
she scold me on the flower thingy;
i argued back;
but after that;
DIN i act nothing happen?;
DIN i tok to her like NORMAL?;
if i never tolerate..;
xinni thingy;
DIN she say me;
but i din not FORCE her?;
DIN i act nothing happen?;
DIN i let things go like there is no yesterday?;
if i never tolerate..;

LIHAO;
wadeva i say;
somehow;
he wans to argue back;
i DO argue back;
but we DO show tolerance in BOTH of us;
if i never tolerate..;

everytime;
when WE walk together;
he WOULD got WITH the HE;
den DIN i say ANYTHING?;
if i never tolerate..;

CLIFFORD;
wadeva i say TOO;
he will comment or add some sarcasm;
DIN i jus NOT say anything to him?;
i would jus give him " -.- " this face n jus keep quiet;
heaven i? my dear cliff?;
i DO comment;
BUT its NOT infront of him;
AND after i COMMENT i suan liao RIGHT;
DIN I?;
if i never tolerate..;

YOU;
u;
jl n him;
3 person;
when i go along;
im the one extra;
u all got secrets among urself;
u would not tell me;
DIN i say anything?;
i DIN not;
i FIRGURE it myself;
as u claim u all noe me well;
dun tell me u duno wad;
i never enjoy like to be treated as extra;
din u noe?;
if i never tolerate..;

u reply cliff by the most 3 days;
i kept quiet;
u gave gck a 2 pages reply;
i kept quiet;
i ask wheres my;
den;
i never ask again;
i never dare to mention again;
if i never tolerate..;

whenever im with u all;
u would go with jl/cliff/gck.
cliff would go with u/kl/bs?.
lihao would go with gck/bs/

den me?;
jus follow behind like a dog??;
how u expect me to hold it;
when that was never before;
before the new's arrive?;

[[ jl,cliff,lh and u; i say this; jus to proof to u; so no offence; ]]

"i wonder why am i letting myself feel so horrible;
when i know that by letting go everything will be fine."

if u feel that;
den i will not hold u back;where u might belong;
i dun wanna let u down;
i dun wanna lead u back;
it will never be done half heartedly;
i dun wan to make u all feel horrible;

i already stated that;
my soul is still with all;
but;
i will not do solo job;
its like 1 < 13

feel same abt me that im selfish??;

of cuz i cant clap when the another clap belongs to u all;
if u think this is shit;
den dun continue;
if u think this friendship jus came out from ur anus;
den dun continue;
to me its a revive or a destroyance moment of a friendship;
but if to u is shit;
den dun continue;
u would never wan to get shit back;
its waste yeah?;

as per normal;
intentions are none;

zhu ni kuai le;
ni yi jin zhao dao geng hao de;

happy gap camping;
(:
hope its fun;

2005-03-06T02:59:00.000-08:00

wo zhu ni kuai le;

Wo wu fa bang ni yu yan wei qu qiu quan you mei you yong
Ke shi wo duo me bu she peng you ai de na me ku tong
Ai ke yi bu wen dui cuo zhi shao you xi yue gan dong
Ru guo ta zong wei bie ren cheng san ni he ku fei wei ta deng zai yu zhong

Pao ka fei rang ni nuan shou xiang dang dang ni xin kou li de feng
Ni que xiang shang jie zou zou chui chui leng feng hui qing xing de duo
Ni shuo ni bu pa fen shou zhi you yi dian yi han nan guo
Qing ren jie jiu yao lai le sheng zi ji yi ge qi shi ai dui le ren qing ren jie mei tian dou guo

Fen shou kuai le zhu ni kuai le
Ni ke yi zhao dao geng hao de
Bu xiang guo dong yan juan chen zhong
Jiu fei qu re dai de dao yu you yong
Fen shou kuai le qing ni kuai le
Hui bie cuo de cai neng he dui de xiang feng
Li kai jiu ai xiang zuo man che
Kan tou che le xin jiu hui shi qing lang de
Mei ren neng ba shei de xing fu mo shou
Ni fa shi ni hui huo de you xiao rong

Ni zi xin shi hou zhen de mei duo le

all told u;
tell me;
wad they noe?;
aint those self assumation and claims?;
how they tell u;when they noe nothing but just the surface?;

future is in ur hands;
if not;
why everyone says;
are cre8 the future?;
so how u handle it;
is how it will be made;
the past is great;
but if u do nothing;
it will fade;
forget me and grab me;
which one all choosed?;

my shadow is only one walking beside me;

departure?
tell me;
did u feel worse den me upon my "hubby" 's departure?;
did you?;
its NOT impossible;
its worse for sure;
why?;
hey;
he is 1st my list;
and i duno where i stand in urs;
but for sure;
im not 1st;
so how sad u are upon that;
is not as sad as im upon that;

and;
i did not mention anything abt departure;
all assume n take it as i did;
i take it as;
wad i wrote " im replaced; and if he is better den me; i admit defeat" ;
noone mention a word;
no movement was seen;
so who wouldnt take it as;
richie are gone?;

was in my shoes?;
was replaced?;
omg tell me who repalced u?;
never once i remember u was replaced;
for this 2 on going 3 years;
i never once remember u was replaced?;
only u isolate urself;
not replaced;
how are u replaced?;
when;
clifford;
lihao;
jinging;
me(u could count me out if u dun think so (: );
are all so toking to u everytime?;

s[0]m[e]w[h]e[r]e [o]v[e]r [t]h[e] r[a]i[n]b[o]w (:

make me lose my breath ;

I put it right there, made it easy for you to get to;
now you wanna act like you don't know what to do;
after I done, done everything that you asked me;
grabbed you, grind you, liked you, tried you;
moved so fast, baby, now I can't find you;

excuse?;
Flipping through our photographs
Missing you is half hidden, half seen
The winter of last year
We smiled very sweetly
Looking at your weeping face
Saying goodbye to me
Too late to hear it
You've already gone very far away
Perhaps you have already given up on me
Perhaps it is already too hard to turn back
I know it is me who let it slip
Please give me another reason to say you don't love me
Even if it is that I don't understand
Can you forgive me?
Please don't take separation and treat it as your request
I know the persistence to leave is your excuse for getting hurt
Request you to turn back
I will walk with you all along till the end
Even if there is no result
I can bear it
I know your pain
Is the promise I gave
You said you gave me tolerance before
Silence was because of forgiveness
If you have to leave
Request you to remember me
If you are sad
Request you to forget me

even the blind can tell;
he is the new;
im the old;
not old only;
wore out n irritating one;
oh yah;
the KAO PEI one;

im not saying goodbye;
how i noe where im in ur life;
u already say;
YOUR life;
maybe u bury me under already;
how i noe?;
if u were to ask;
wad abt my life;
well;
i would say;
nothing has change;
telling u that im replaced;
to to let the unaware to be aware;
its a serious thing;
so of cuz i tell;
my purpose is also to ask u to consider yourself;
im really replaced in u;
maybe u will say not in u;
but;
u cannot deceive urself that;
yesh;
it is overall in all;

of cuz when im replaced;
of cuz i have to back up;
noone loves to stay in a place;
where noone loves u;
noone where treat u well;
everyone ignores u;
everyone gave wad they used to gave u to others;

tell me who was replaced?
bingsheng?
he did not did wad i did for;
IM the only one against him;
not the ALL;
whoever u are trying to mention;
they are ALL the same reason;
they are NOT replaced like how im;
[[ claims; bingsheng n me that one is THE PAST; not normal ]]

im jus a small boy;
who longs to be love;
who longs to have PURE true BEST friend;
i have a heart that can feel;
like everyone esle;
im a senstive boy;
who is always at high alert;
who never failed to sense wrong alerts;
be it how hazardous or pleasuring it is;

of cuz i noe karma;
and i fear no karma;
for wad i did;
it of no revenge nor evil intention;

neither im trying to start a war;
neither do i have the intentions;

solutions are everywhere;
only if u try;
to let fate decide;
will let time kill it;
waiting for the fruit to bear when you dun water the plant;
wads the use?;
it will NOT bear liddat;
it dun work like this;
it works like how claps works;

all hurt me 1st;
u cant expect me to find all 1st again;
is it not everything;
everytime i can be 1st;
once bitten twice shy;
if even i wan to be 1st to;
but;
its beyond wad i can do;
i stand here solo man;
and its like;
1 : at least 13;
i cant do solo work;

there is alots of thing u could do;
as long as all put and do it whole heartedly;
everything is possible;
as long as u have faith in wadeva u do;
u will do it well;
*praise the lord*;

but;
if im no longer at my position;
if im no longer the one;
if im no longer treasured like i used to be;
if.. x 1000;
pls;
pls;
dun ask me back;
dun make me cry;
dun make me die;
dun make me an older toy;

i dun the same thing;
to happen;
like how the life cycle repeats;
it never ends;

only do it;
if its truly;
i will be waiting;
i will be seeing;
i will be crying;
i will be smiling;
i will be me;
noone could change the fact that;
im richie;

once again;
my soul is still with all;
only my body is not;

fly before the sky drops;

when u can fly;
pls fly;

(:
fly high n soar in the sky;

i wish i was a pearl;
shiny n precious i would be;
i guess i will never be;

2005-03-04T09:04:00.000-08:00

Goodbye

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and I sympathize
And I'll never criticize all you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

no; im not meaning i wan to say goodbye;
but seriously; have you ask me why?;
u made the decision without asking me why;
i can no longer live and lie to myself that;
im not replaced;
gimme examples to proof ur word of speech;

those faces;
will be gone;
when new comes;
this is wad everyone knows and call a 1 : 1 exchange;
and since;
everyone is happy about that;
noone claim anything;
noone cared;
noone botherd;
noone shows;
noone wants;
den i will be smart like as human BEAN can think of;
but to surrender for its loss;
and retreat and allow the new victorious person proceed;

the sight of seeing his improvement;
its no difference from me confirming my disappearance;

noone mention a word;
everyone ever spare a thought?;
no;
u would think im selfish;
wad abt u?;
how u tot of my feelings in my shoes?;
my vital sign;

you would ask back;
did i?;
even if i say i did;
would u believe?;
nope;
becuz "im sefish";

i walk alone;
those ignorance by all;
made me as though;
you did not noe me;
if thats the case;
sorry i came in to your life and made u miserable;

ignorance makes conflicts;
conflicts makes unhappiness;
unhappiness makes -never-happy-ending-;

those comments;
but all;
are hurtful;
tormentous;
i dun wanna let u down;
dun wanna make u feel that this extra guy is beside u;

you've already gone very far away;
perhaps you have already given up on me;
perhaps it is already too hard to turn back;
i know it is me who let it slip;

even if it is that I don't understand;
can you forgive me?;

request you to turn back;
i will walk with you all along till the end;
even if there is no result;
i can bear it;
i know your pain;
is the promise I gave;
you said you gave me tolerance before;
silence was because of forgiveness;
if you have to leave;
request you to remember me;
if you are sad;
request you to forget me;

the pathetic orange bag;
was torn apart by all;
you will never be able to imagine how it was torn;
those bits;
are no difference from shattered glass;
how u though of pasting it back?;
actions speaks louder den word;
im on solo;
all is on group;
u dun expect;
a soloism to play solo right?;
but if all wouldnt care;
den;
let the way all wans it to have;

those groups;those laughters;
are broke but every members own hands;
every;
bits and pieces;
it forms;
a puzzle;
a puzzle of;
the one u never speak of;

its the undergraudated peep courage;

if u say i was not replaced;
tell me;
why those smiles all used to give me;
now belong to him?;
and all i get;
is sarcasm;
patheticness;
ignorance;
shouted;
fucked;
at?;
if i was not replaced;
den tell me wad is that?;

from the very young daes;
u would haf noe;
i haf high jealously rate;

i was not being sefish;
but if u seriously still think im;
den im;

my heart is still with this hypertensionally group;
i did not leave;
but all wans me to leave;
for all dun give a damn;
for all found;
the old richie;
and fucks the new richie;

its never too late if;
all 's souls are still convalent bonded together;
sometimes i wish...;

was this wad u define as my happy new year 2005?;

lets talk abt another issue;
[[ declaimer;just a frend;]]

him; the one i mention from the bottom of my heart; till now;
i have not give up;
anyone can ask me to give up;
but;
everyone noes;
easy said than to be done;
do u think its that easy?
when that person;
is installed permantly in my cpu;
its;
uncleanable;

omg;
i wan go to that camp;
he got go;
shit;
when i duno he got i already wan to go;
but;
now i noe he go;
i even wan to go more!;

the sky is playing hard on me;
when will i fall and beat defeat?;
pillars aint tat strong afterall;

. . .

[[disclaimer;im a high jealousy rate;]]

oh whatt thee fucckk;
wei hong;
touch;
jin hao;
...;

06.03.05
oh; me ; sam; yazid; isabel; kaixian; hafizah;
asked to help the innovators;
cool;
we help in archering;
fun was fun;
food was great;
the cup n bookmark is exceptionally nice decorated;
i dun wan to go home alone;
so i stay with the inovators;
includes;
xueqi;
jowell;
ernest;
marcus;
yuan shan;
1 duno his name;
azizul;
ronald;
kai ee;
kenny;
etc;

ahhhz;
somehow;
i see great and i mean GREAT resembles of ch in yuan shan;
they are so..;
amazing;
we go off those "werid" only on toilet lights;
it was like;
thrilling;
mwauahah;
anyways;
we see nothing;
xD;
left aroudn 12.30;
reach home around 1;
now;
2.08.am.;

i wan to sleep;
i wan wad i lose;
i m greedy;
but i wan wad i had lose back;
they meant too much to me;
no moOd to blog lia0;

hope the light will reveal the truth;
wadeva;
im jus sad;
im pronouced as suffering from depression;

pain overwhelm thrilled (:

2005-02-25T22:25:00.000-08:00

Excuse
Flipping through our photographs
Missing you is half hidden, half seen
The winter of last year
We smiled very sweetly
Looking at your weeping face
Saying goodbye to me
Too late to hear it
You've already gone very far away
Perhaps you have already given up on me
Perhaps it is already too hard to turn back
I know it is me who let it slip
Please give me another reason to say you don't love me
Even if it is that I don't understand
Can you forgive me?
Please don't take separation and treat it as your request
I know the persistence to leave is your excuse for getting hurt
Request you to turn back
I will walk with you all along till the end
Even if there is no result
I can bear it
I know your pain
Is the promise I gave
You said you gave me tolerance before
Silence was because of forgiveness
If you have to leave
Request you to remember me
If you are sad
Request you to forget me

© 2003 MultiStars. All rights reserved

) i respect; (

2005-01-25T08:36:00.000-08:00

i seriously take u guy's joke seriously and its offensive.
jokes. sure. but u guys really suan n joke beyond the limit.
i dun have to point fingers.
yeah you noe. you too. you also. and you also. so on n so for.
seriously if its so hard to be with me, then dun force yourself and
make yourself suffer hell with this lamer here.
i mean whats the point of lieing to yourself if you hate it?
wait wait. before i even continue ; u all read le jiu forget it le hors ; dun hold grudges hor ;
if not dun read ar ; lol ;

oh well, i was saying. yesh, u can joke with me. but it is just not right that every thing i say be it correct or wrong you also wanna suan me back? i can ren, ren till a certain extend anyone will bust. this was not the way. never stretch a over stretched rubber band ; the snap will be more painful n stronger ;

might just simply sound like crapy shit to yah ; but ; haha ; seriously of cuz ; even if im the one joking ; i would think i m just being mad or petty ; if i was that petty , i already go mad liao ;

so if i say things will get suan den of cuz i dun say anything right ; den when i dun tok u say i dun tok ; what the fuck ; laugh out out ; though dun tok is a tortue ; tsk tsk ;

but ; i had to ; just to simply please ur ears ; "oooohhhhhh" how sweet ; oh yeah ;

i leave in this very bias - ity world ; im felt so blahs ;

yeah ;
u all might think -quote from cliff-
[[ do i look like i care ? ]]
[[ do i look like i even care ? ]]
[[ do i look like i give a damn fucking care about you ? ]]
and on and so 4. yada.

totally exceptable and precise ;

like who the hell cares ? xD ;

thats for the top.

and yes - the black baba sheep(lol u should noe im refering to u) -
im not mad over ___ok .
i repeatedly ask things about ___ is nothing much but just pure curiousity ;
im not as mad as her ok ; laugh out louds ; i m just over doting like you say ;
but duh ; thats me ;

one daes bad mood does not excuse the everyday's behaviour ;
its such a unique excuse ;
x)) ;

oh yeah . dun feel like blogging le ; now 2 a.m. le lor ; tml 6 need wake up lor ; still got physics test lor ; chinese n a maths flunkED lor ; e maths duno how lor ; english flunkED lor ; geo a2 lor ; so lan lor ; still den to call myself ; myself ? =/ .

patiences pays ;

jus a reminder again ; wad i bloged ; might sounded for you ; but maybe its not for you ; and if u seriously deny and thinks its you ; in which maybe its you ; den like wad i say ; dun take it to ur heart ; or just read liao jiu forget can le ; maybe ;;;

anyways ; good luck x)).

dun cut -
know that ppl care -
dun lie -
dun think -
dun hallcinate -
dun crap -

oh haha suck my toes ;

2005-01-22T11:54:00.000-08:00

im feeling this unbearable toxicating feeling in me for days.
its uncontrolable.
whatever i do, its rejected piece of work.

NEVER expect the UNexpected from me.
CAUSE it will NEVER happen for gard sake.

THIS is the UNFAIR world.
FACE it.
WHY ran from THIS lame REALITY?

I DUN get TREATED the WAE i TREAT YOU.
WHAT the HELL.
IT was HELLyouNOE WORSE.

YOU CAN JOKE WITH ME.
YOU CAN PLAY WITH ME.
YOU CAN TRY TO PISS ME.
YOU CAN BE SARCASTIC WITH ME.
BUT DUN PLAY IT TOO HARD.
EVERYTHING HAS ITS LIMIT.
YOU ARE STARTING TO BE OVER THE LIMIT.

THERE is SOMETHING you MUST know BEFORE its too LATE.

IF you NEVER try, HOW u KNOW the RESULT?
YOU cant REGRET when you have NO chance to TRY ANYMORE.

2005-01-20T08:20:00.000-08:00

typed in personal recount form : xp

To be precise, how many of you had your life spent the way you planned n hoped?
You are? Lucky should I say? Unfortunately, majority of us do not spend the way we wanted.
So do you believe in retribution? I guess u better do so, not only when it comes to you.
You might rock my world, but to a certain extend, you do it out of nothing but the fun of doing it.
I mean, what is the point of doing something which you personally do not mean what you do?
Is there a need for deceiving me? Enjoy seeing me the way u supposed you wanted me to be?
Well of cause, for you have won the battle and your pathetic enemy is crying down there.
But, "ha-ha" ,who the hell cares?

To just close my heavy, over-stressed loaded eyes. Unaware of the horrifying moments ahead, just a small n wrong mistake, will land you in deep hot soup. Oh yeah? Fuck the naive, young blind kids. How far can they go? That was like so pathetic?

Have you ever been deceived by your best pals? Was that moment angelic? I thought it was totally. I mean what is the point to argue n argue over n over again over a case n a list of factors that would just not go inside their mind. As far as I know, their mind is like that "Richie is wrong. Richie is self centered. Richie is petty. Richie is mad. Richie is -whatever they might have thought of - ."Right, I admit defeat since none of which are standing at my ground but my opponent's. For those lists of junks will not go into their mind, the most it will flow in and just in a moment time, out again.

Hey there. Alright.*carries out my dusty creamy white flag* *waves it*. Yes, you are so right.
I am the one at fault. I am the soloist in that game and I lose to no one but myself. It was just a horrible fight alone, on my grounds, with just a pair of innocent hands and legs which do not have any experience at all. Isn't it obvious that hey, I have lost half the battle without having to start. What do I do? Retreat precisely?

I was emotionally and physically sick of that sick class. Be it lame reasons, excuses you might think, it was not a joking matter. Do you enjoy having a class with noise polluters; do you feel the urge to study when you have got no friends where you feel no sense of encouragement and challenge; can you study in a environment that you disgustingly dislike; will you even feel to interest in studying; ever thought of the sickening time taken up by unbearable background; just like forcing yourself through a 10cm hole where all your flesh get squashed slowly, bit by bit, pieces by pieces, layers after layers not forgetting slices after slices. Devastating isn't it? Oh cause, these precisely meant a piece of junk to all.

It was me, not you. I selfishly say here that, did you all ever view this case over my perspective?
Of cause I did view through her perspective, if not I would have played the game hard.
Ok, enough of my craps. What is done is undone, why grumble? Like is there a use to hold grudges when no longer how long u hold, things still would not be solved? For there is no precise solution to that unexpectedly given question.

Them, who chose not to believe me, would still in the end chose to no believe me.
There is not a use to believe me in the middle of the battle, unless, your change of heart was sincere n truly. I do not mind being a villain since I was never the one who save the day.
Whatever I mention here, it just a piece of my memory. A piece of a over ranged deep cut scar left lying deep inside me. Untouched; unmentioned. There is no point feeling anything now. Guilty stricken or burning in hot blazing flames because no matter what, a scar is a scar. You do not have to be angry or offended over anything. It meant just for me to let go a tiny winy bit, which is the main purpose of blogger.com.

Since we have acted as though nothing had happened, then do not make things worse. I do not want to repeat and repeat another regrettable and unavoidable mistake. Sincerely and truly, CH was a lesson. Enough to learn n repent my mistake, while it serves as a critical wake up call when I am lost or doing anything stupid which might result in a serious disastrous effect.
That was 2nd very major negative situation I faced.

Just look at how things can amazingly link from point A immediately to point Z without much effort needed. Nah, one is not enough to drive me this pitiful state. The world was never once worry free so dream on.

_______ the end _______

i m feeling very bottled up.
just like a balloon busting soon.
sian one.
xq ask me, why u and ur bro like duno each other one?
=s. sian lor. we nv tok one >.<
just cant find a time to talk. LOL.
yeah hope that we can talk more lol.
xDD.
lolz.

_____ ___ blah blah__ _____